“It has been five years since I made a video called Dear 25 year old me. I was 20. I just turned 25 yesterday.”
We all wonder what it would be like to talk to our future self and ask all the questions about how our lives have changed. But how does that impact us when we’re given the opportunity to do exactly that, and then reply five years later? dodie used her most recent video to do just that and share how much has changed since her previous video, Dear 25 year old me.
Throughout the years of dodie’s channel, she has always been very open about her journey with mental health and some of the experiences she has encountered within her life. Creating the original video allowed her to ask her future self about how these very situations had developed, including those surrounding her career and family.
Jumping straight in, dodie responds to the news that her 20-year-old self had just reached “200 and something subscribers”, sharing how she later hit a million on her 22nd birthday. Teary-eyed dodie then went on to explain how, despite her 20-year-old self feeling very unhappy and lost in her own past, things do end up getting better – but not before they get worse. “You’ll go through the worst of it in 2016/2017 and then you’ll actually come out feeling a lot better”, she shares before explaining how, despite her depression being very much present still, it’s now more of a friend than it was before.
She then highlights how, at this time, she wasn’t aware that she in fact has a chronic illness known as derealisation, but upon learning about it, it allowed her to figure things out and understand herself.
Physically, past dodie talks about how she styles her hair and does her makeup. “That haircut is an interesting one” she chuckles, pointing out how she used to over-curl her hair, wear a lot more eyeliner to how she does now and have eyebrows would she proceed to pluck “way more straight” in the future. In contrast to past dodie, she then talks about how she grew her hair out and no longer curls it everyday, but instead never brushes it so its always “big and poofy, just how you always wanted it”.
Focusing on her career, dodie discusses how, although she isn’t in musical theatre like her past self had wished, she has been on “many, many tours”. Listing them, she reflects on how she’s had the best of times and can’t believe that younger her still has all of that to look forward to.
She also discusses how she continues to make videos, but doesn’t share and open up as much as she used to. “YouTube is in an interesting place now. It’s still a special place for you and a lot of your friends and other people. You know, it has its wonderful corners”. Adding to this, she talks about her music and how her past self would have loved her songs now, and she wishes she could play them for her.
“How’s teenage Hedy? How’s Mum? How’s Dad?”
After a small interlude of emotions, dodie explains how Hedy is so talented and “better than me in so many ways, and is just going to grow up to be amazing”. She explains how everything changes, but everything is fine and everyone is okay. Despite this, she goes on to share how her family cat, Tufty, is no longer alive, but “it’s okay. It’s not as scary as you think when it happens. It’s just the way it is”.
Five years means tech developments, so dodie talks about what’s changed in her equipment – and even her phone. “You still edit the exact same way on Final Cut Pro” she highlights, adding how phones now also have Face ID, but it still looks the exact same way as it’s all scratched up. Excitement then hits upon showing her lock screen, as dodie realises her past self still hasn’t seen La La Land.
“I think I was pinning a lot of happiness on, sort of, going back to the past and I think at some point, I don’t know when, you learnt to look forward for happiness,” she shares, thinking back to how she always used to want to be 16 again. However, she now would never go back and relive all of that again. After that, she goes on to reflect on all the new friends she hadn’t even met at this point and the old friends she still knows.
As the video comes to a close, dodie points out how her past self is “going to write a book, write EPs, write albums, tour the world, fall in love, fall apart, find new friends, fade away from other things”, but it’s going to be okay and, thank God, she learnt how to do better brows.