“I’m making a declaration: I’m done being sorry.”
January is once again upon us. Whilst it might be synonymous with cold weather and the post-holiday blues, we’ve begun to associate it with a much more positive thing: Jamie Jo‘s annual series, Jamuary. First beginning last year, it’s back in 2020 with content that will span across more than just her YouTube channel, and to kick things off she’s sharing with us why she’s done being sorry.
Jamie starts the video by sharing that “sorry” is a word she was taught to say in order to be polite and, as such, she would apologise for everything, “even stuff that didn’t make sense”. In the process, the word began to feel like her safe place and a way for her to apologise to others for having to be around her and for being who she is, “Mainly me saying sorry was me apologising to others for being the very weird person that I am.”
It took some time for Jamie to realise that her putting others first and, in turn, putting herself down through her constant apologising was actually making it difficult for those around her to know how she really felt, which has since led her to be open with those close to her, “I’ve been very open and honest with how I’m feeling with things and still try to do lots of stuff for others and still try to put others first, but also not completely pushing myself back.”
She then shares with viewers that there was a time in her life where her putting others first and isolating herself led to her entering a dark place, mentally. Throughout social media, she would see her friends hanging out together without her and accomplishing a lot. While she was proud of them, she was also sad because she wasn’t being included. This led her to question if they really liked her.
“This was another realisation moment: I did not want to burden them with my existence. […] I was waiting for them to come to me if they wanted to and then I had, like, this moment where I was like, ‘Okay, if I want friends, I’m going to have to be the one to go out and do it because I’m not the most popular kid at school. I’m not, like, the one everyone wants to jump towards. I’m just – I’m me.'”
This realisation also opened Jamie’s mind up to another fact: that her friends might be the same as her, waiting for someone reach out to them. “So I started doing that. I started messaging anyone and everyone I could that I like and enjoyed their company, and since then my friend group has grown. It’s grown a lot and I’m really happy about that. I learned that, rather than apologising for myself and being there and being around me, I should just compliment people, point things out that I really like about them and tell them that ‘I like this about you’.”
She then shares how being on the internet also warped her interpretation of herself. She explains that she would apologise to her followers, often for things that were “insignificant”. She would use this as a sort of buffer, hoping that by pointing certain things out, like how she looked on a certain day, she would be able to prevent comments drawing attention to them. This has since changed, “One thing I’ve learned – and it’s not a fun lesson and it’s not a fair lesson – but if you’re putting yourself out there and the way that it goes, you have to have a thicker skin. You have to be able to ignore it. It absolutely sucks, but, unfortunately, beyond blocking certain stuff, there’s no way around it, really.”
Mentally, Jamie is now in a better place. She is continuing to grow as a person and is starting to not care about what others may think about her, which is something she wishes she could have done sooner, “I’ve learned to be okay with the concept of I can be liked and I also can be really disliked.”
“I’m not sorry for being me.” We, for one, are glad she’s no longer sorry because she’s one of the sweetest, most caring YouTubers we know and we want her to see that within herself.