“This is temporary. You will find something and your situation will improve.”
Tally Kerr has set out to celebrate self-love throughout February in honour of UK LGBT History Month and Valentine’s Day. Her Month of Self Love series examines how our unique life experiences contribute to our sense of self-love and aims to share healthy habits for boosting self-esteem. In this video, Tally sits down for a relaxed chat with viewers to describe the impact unemployment has had on her own self-esteem while also offering tips to help challenge negative thought patterns that can arise during unemployment.
Tally has been unemployed for almost eight months and has previously discussed her own experiences surrounding unemployment on her channel. “This has had a massive impact on my self-love, self-esteem, and self-worth,” she told her audience.
Tally reflects on the job application process and how quickly rejection can erode our self-esteem through negative thinking. She helpfully outlines the benefits of balanced thinking – not placing blame for your application rejection on others or yourself, but rather somewhere in the middle. “The mindset that you take when it comes to difficult things like rejections affects how you cope with it,” she explained. “So, if you’re in a similar situation to me, have a look at where you think your locus of control is and whether you’re blaming everyone else or whether you’re blaming yourself.”
Is Tally an expert at this balanced approach to rejection? Not quite yet, she admits. Her thoughts occasionally still spiral towards fears of failure, blaming herself due to negative patterns of thinking that seep out into other areas of her life. While she can sometimes struggle to practice self-love when her self talk is pessimistic, simply acknowledging unhelpful habits is already the first step towards positivity.
With unemployment opening up a lot of free time, Tally also explains that she tries to keep herself busy to avoid the harmful stereotypes painting unemployed individuals as unmotivated. “Fighting that stereotype drives me to make myself over busy and have too much on,” she said. “I’m stressed all the time because I’m trying desperately to not appear lazy. Even asking for support from loved ones and receiving financial aid from the government has resulted in feelings of guilt. Further stresses of filling out multiple forms and justifying her request for assistance has added another load to her already full plate.
Ultimately, the entire reality of being unemployed for an extended period can hit all at once. Reflecting on the larger picture through a negative lens can “throw self-worth out of the window,” as Tally described it. Meditation and writing are Tally’s tools for combatting overwhelming feelings and refocussing on self-love, but she points out that there are plenty of relaxing activities out there that can help when negative thinking strikes. It’s all about finding out what works for you.
Though Tally admits she’s still on her journey to self-love amidst her unemployment, simply sharing a personal story highlights just how important it can be to open ourselves up to the experiences of others to find solidarity and comfort. We love your commitment to self-love, Tally!
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