A few YouTubers made it onto Band Aid 30 this weekend, so we got thinking…
Let us set the scene: Bob Geldof senses a shift in the universe and realises that mainstream celebrities are no longer relevant. His eyes narrow as he contemplates who to include in the next Band Aid cover and then suddenly he brings both fists down onto the table before him.
The answer – YouTubers. Those curious internet creatures with blurry vlog backgrounds, jump cuts and uncanny ability to inhale cinnamon in dangerous quantities. Sir Bob permits himself a grim smile before bounding into the night on the search for internet stars.
Ok, so it’s unlikely that it happened exactly as described above, but Zoe Sugg, Alfie Deyes and Joe Sugg did feature on the latest Band Aid and you can find out more about that in our article on the single release.
Find out which YouTubers are singing their hearts out for #BandAid30 with some MAJOR popstars http://t.co/SMeY6tjB8z pic.twitter.com/kKrdgOfriz
— TenEighty UK (@TenEightyUK) November 16, 2014
What we’re more interested in, though, is who would make the cut in a completely YouTube-ified version of Do They Know It’s Christmas? Let’s investigate.
Kicking the whole thing off, who better to sing “It’s Christmas time – And there’s no need to be afraid” than Paul Neafcy. Before he became YouTube famous his Twitter handle was TheUnwashedMass – does it get cuddlier than that?
There is absolutely no questioning “We let light in – And banish shade” was made for Gary C. You think you’re reading this article in the dark of night? Wrong. Gary’s sass-powers are THAT fierce.
“Throw your arms around the world – but only with your consent” chant Jack Howard and Dean Dobbs, closely followed by none other than Patty Walters who makes a return to YouTube with a fresh screamo section. Band Aid is supposed to be diverse, right?
The Sugababes took the next section in the 2004 version of the song and we reckon Lex Croucher, Rosianna Rojas and Sanne Vliegenthart could give them a run for their money – think Push The Button with a vegan/book twist and maybe a dash of mojito.
Though the reaction to having U2’s latest album forced onto our iPhones wasn’t exactly positive, there is no denying that Bono is a timeless part of Do They Know It’s Christmas. Other timeless things include fairy lights, mistletoe and small-to-medium land mammals. Jonti Picking, take it away. Badgers, badgers, badgers…
Dizzee Rascal was such a risky move for Band Aid that a whole decade later we’re still not sure paid off. Hence, we’d get Sarah Close to chime in at this point and just do whatever she wanted with the entire verse because, you know, it’s guaranteed to be great and we’re obsessed with her. Sing it Sarah!
No YouTube charity single would be complete without the original YouTube Boy Band in the chorus. Brett Domino and his infamous Keytar would make an appearance and Bethan Leadley would bring the whole song to a huge alternative rock climax.
Like any Band Aid, as many YouTubers as possible would be crammed into the recording studio starting with BriBry and Candice in the middle. Dodie Clark, Dave Giles and Carrie Hope Fletcher would be by their side, while Niki and Sammy Albon clap along to the ensemble (well, they can’t sing, can they..?).
Finally, like all hit records we’d need a technical wizard to twiddle the dials and mix everything together. Who better for the role of producer then George Bate, better known as Klynch? That’s it – we’ve got a hit record!
Have we missed anyone from this entirely hypothetical YouTube charity song? Let us know by Tweeting @TenEightyUK or heading over to the TenEighty UK Facebook page. Reckon we should make this happen? Well, who knows…
Don’t forget to check out the article on ACTUAL Band Aid 30 – featuring Zoe Sugg, Alfie Deyes and Joe Sugg!
Written by Jon Aitken.
Images by Alex Brinnand.
Images: YouTube.com, Twitter.com, Olly Newport, Nathaniel Rosa.